Three years of memories

Three years ago today, I had a normal day for me. It was Eben's birthday, and he was working midnights. Ate breakfast. Injected myself with insulin. Checked blood sugar. Ate lunch while Eben slept. Injected myself with insulin. Checked blood sugar. Checked blood sugar. Ate pizza for supper with BFF and Patt. Injected myself with insulin. Checked blood sugar. Played with Harley dog. Slept all night.

This was a pretty normal day in month 9 of my pregnancy. Swollen feet and all.

I had no idea that night when I went to bed that I would never sleep as soundly as I did that night again. I had no idea of the love that was possible in my heart. I had no idea how damn good it would feel to be called Mommy. I had no idea how much I would miss feeling a baby kick my ribs and bladder hundreds of times a day.

There are so many memories that have been running in my mind the past few weeks...from the "before Ella" time of my life.

I still remember how I told my friends and family about being pregnant. I remember Tiffany calling me on the phone to say congratulations. I remember sitting on the floor in my hallway scraping wallpaper (nesting as some would call it; stupidity is more like it) talking to her on the phone.

I remember the first belly picture that was taken at Tom's birthday party in August. I remember shopping for maternity clothes, baby furniture, baby bedding, baby gear, more maternity clothes, and more baby gear. I remember being in the Valley of Fire State Park walking on a trail in 110 degree weather in August.

I remember when I saw Harley dog as a puppy and fell in love. I remember waking up Eben to tell him we had to go pick up our puppy. (He was not amused as he didn't know we even had a puppy...) I remember potty training Harley Dog. Everyone told me it was great practice for having a baby. (For the record, Ella has only peed on the floor once; I can't say the same for Harley Dog.)

I remember the baby showers. Every minute of them. I remember the tiny pink clothes. I remember the tiny diapers. I remember the way the clothes smelled. I remember the way the lotions smelled.

I remember the anticipation. The excitement. The unknown that was coming. I remember when we found out we were having a girl. I remember naming her officially on the plane ride to Reno in August. (Well, I think *I* officially named her many years ago and then told Eben what she would be called.)

I remember that I was so excited to see snow that year. I remember that seeing snow meant Ella would be arriving soon. I remember it was warm the day I gave birth and did not snow for a week.

I remember we had friends over to celebrate Eben's birthday early. I remember breaking up Angel food cake and mixing it with sugar-free pudding so I could have a sweet treat that wouldn't send my blood sugar through the roof. I remember stirring that, giggling, and being nervous as hell that I would soon have to prepare food for someone other than myself (and not just eat popcorn for supper).

I remember the next night going to John and Pam's house to celebrate Tom's graduation from Franklin. I remember I had a half glass of wine. It was Concord. It was yummy.

I remember the next day (Saturday, December 9) not getting around too well because my feet were so swollen. I had to rest. I think I remember reading a book.

All of these memories have been crashing into my head as I look at my daughter...my almost-three-year-old daughter. She has no baby fat anymore. She looks like a person instead of a baby. A tiny version of me. A tiny version of her dad. A great mix of the two of us.

Tonight, we will gather as a family to celebrate her third birthday. I can't believe that time has gone by so quickly.