Survival

We survived the holiday. A smattering of photos from today's festivities, here and at my parents' house.

I'm thankful that Ella "got it" this year and was excited for her presents when she woke up. I wish I could have caught her initial reaction on camera. Next year, I will be standing by her presents ready when she comes out of her room. (Helpful tip to include in the next "How to be a mommy" book in case anyone happens to be writing one. Also don't forget to include the checklist so that cookies and milk are never forgotten, birthday cakes are always ordered in time, and the medicine cabinet always has the essentials...while I'm at it, it might not be a bad idea to have a checklist of every member in the family so you make sure you take pictures of them all...hi Cory, Seth, Ashton, and Anthony! *waves wildly at her beautiful nephews*)

Unloading the car is going to have to wait until tomorrow. I'm beat. It is time for a new Christmas tradition to start at my house - a cold, refreshing beverage to end Christmas Day. Since I have already had milk and water, I guess I'm left with no choice than to partake in a Bud Light.

The real update (with photos)

Groceries are now safely tucked away in the cabinets and refrigerator. No spoiling food here. Okay...so all of my irrational fears from yesterday were for nothing. I should have been more afraid of the traffic and the parking situation than of the actual grocery experience. Short version:

• Arrived at Kroger at 10 til 12 after four meltdowns prior to leaving (Ella's, not mine. Okay - one for me and three for her. No? Fine. Two each. We were even Steven.)


• Spent 5 minutes looking for single onions instead of a bag


• Found single onions


• Picked up the rest from the list with very little driving in circles


• Could not find the candy/gum aisle


• Drove in a circle


• Located the gum


• Got my very own Plus card in my name


• Checked out and was in the car by 12:30

While I was in Chicago in October, four people stopped me to ask for directions. Taumi and I decided that I look like such a native in that awesome city that people assumed I was. Amazingly, I was asked for directions to the produce section by some person who apparently thought the fresh foods were with the beer and wine. Even I know better than that.

Ella was pretty good for our trip. I am going to try to figure out a way to plan far enough ahead to avoid taking her with me in the future. For no other reason than to avoid bitch slapping the people who call her a boy. Come on...she has a braided purple hat with a purple coat with pink shoes. How could she possibly pass for a boy?

Here is a picture of us at the end of our shopping trip. My hair in the picture does not look much different than it normally does except for the color. I am loving the color. Totally loving it. It's very warm. I like warm. Especially when it is very cold outside. I don't like warm as much when it is warm outside. See how hard it is to please me?

I wonder if a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser would take those damn wrinkles off of my eyes?

I came to update

but then realized that I had to actually unload the groceries from my car. I will return to post the picture and describe the grocery experience shortly. Go ahead and find something else to do in case it takes me a million years to remember that I need to come back here and finish this. I wouldn't want to be the reason for your not getting everything on your list finished.

Stop the Internet Rumors...I'm Not Dead

Hee hee. Yet. I will attempt to not do myself in tomorrow night after cooking dinner. It's been kinda hard to kill myself on fast food and cinnamon toast. But tomorrow...the big night...I'm going to cook from scratch.

Go ahead and stop reading. I'll wait for you to quit feeling dizzy.

Like the organized domestic goddess I aspire to become (but come on...will most likely never actually win the title), I sat down tonight, cookbook on the counter, pantry doors open, and shopping list in front of me (with a pen in my hand) and PLANNED meals for the next two days.

Go ahead and wait for the faintness to pass. I can keep waiting. After all, I'm not actually sitting in front of *my* computer watching you read this. Don't you think *that* would be a little, teeny, tiny bit scary? As if I had nothing better to do. Like take out the trash, clean the cat box (anyone want a nice, well anyone want a cat?), feed the dog, stoke the fire, feed/bathe/clothe/play with my child, clean the toilet, clean the floor, drink water, etc.?

Did I mention before that I did not have a Bud Light in hand while planning meals? That I made it through the entire ordeal without cracking one open? And that my mom was here? Eye yi yi.

So after my mom explained to me that the pan I call my mac and cheese pan is technically called a saucepan and that, yes, in fact I did have the correct tools to make this one certain dish, I got the meals planned and my grocery list made. I am going to attempt Kroger on Tuesday. Yes, that's right. Kroger. Tuesday. During the day because my BFF told me that it would be easier to be there in the daytime before the workers got there for quick pickups after work. I am wondering if it wouldn't be easier to be there when the store is crowded so that someone will eventually call for help when I pass out in the aisle after contemplating between one kind of chicken broth or the other.

Why are there so many choices in the grocery store anyway? And what happens if I can't find the exact size of the product I need to make a certain dish on my list? Will I be required to do math in the middle of Kroger? Can I take an oxygen tank with me?

Did I mention that Ella will be going with me for this grocery shopping excursion? I am thinking of getting her a Dora backpack so we can spin in circles and sing, "We did it, we did it," when we are finished. If we finish.

On a completely random note - I got my hair done today. It is fabulous. Perhaps I will take the trusty camera with me tomorrow and have the nice checkout person take a picture of Ella and me when we finish our grocery task. This will accomplish two goals. The first is that I can document actually going to Kroger without assistance from a friend and purchase everything on my list. The second is that I can then come home, take a nap from the exhausting day, and then post a photo to prove that I did it with fabulous hair.

Some random illogical fears about the shopping trip:

• It will be pouring down rain and we will be soaked prior to entering Kroger. Then I will have bad hair and Ella will be wet and miserable.
• I will not be able to find things on my list and will have to ask for assistance or risk appearing to be racing in the Kroger 500 (NASCAR style...round and round and round and round...).
• All of the crap on my list will not fit in my cart.
• All of the crap on my list will not fit my budget.
• I will forget the single most important ingredient for tomorrow night's dinner and will have to adjust my meal plan and then go back to Kroger for the missing ingredient on Wednesday.

Okay...I'll stop there before I talk myself out of going to Kroger altogether and eating a diet of cottage cheese and pickles for the next few days. I did find a peanut butter dessert thingie in my pantry that looks scrumptious. Perhaps we would be okay on that for a few days? Please excuse me now. I must go take a hammer to Ella's play house thing that will NOT STOP PLAYING BLASTED MUSIC for no reason. See how I get? I never yell. I never type in all caps. I never am this stressed out. But thinking of the trip to Kroger and then actually doing something with the food when I get back is sending me over the edge. I think I need to make a xanax candy necklace to take with me.

Happy Birthday, Princess

My baby turned 2 yesterday. It is so hard to believe that two years have gone by and how much she has changed.

Here's what I remember from that day: scared shitless at 11:30 when doc tells me we need to deliver the baby today because she won't make it another three days; canceling my lunch date w/ Tiffany; almost dying twice from low blood sugars; awesome nurses; my entire family invading my hospital room prior to being wheeled back for surgery; my friends all waiting in the waiting room; being wheeled through a big line of people on the way to surgery (felt like I was in a parade - thankfully I had good hair that day...the clothes left a lot to be desired); laughing so hard I couldn't function after the doctor put my spinal in; hearing my daughter cry and seeing her face for the first time at 5:05 p.m.; telling everyone that my stomach was burning b/c I could smell it (found out later that it was being burned but they wouldn't tell me that...); then yelling at everyone to not touch me when I came out of the recovery room. Oh, and how could I forget the immense pain I was in afterward? (No matter what bs any mother trys to tell you after birth - YES, you DO remember it!)

All in all, a worthwhile experience to get the end result. Oh, and the next morning, I had a giant bottle of Pepsi (that made me sick from all the sugar) and a giant Snickers bar, courtesy of an awesome nurse.

So here she is...then and now.

Another Prompt

I read a prompt this morning to blog about your favorite elementary school teacher and why he/she was your favorite. My kindergarten teacher was Miss Lawson, and she taught me that while I was permitted to color outside the lines, I should try to make it neat and not messy. I clearly remember the gray Crayola I used to "color in" those pretty flowers and the sad face with the word "messy" beside it when I got the paper back from her. Twenty-two years have gone by, and I am still coloring outside the lines. However, I am a LOT less messy now. And I would never dream of using a gray Crayola on a flower!

Words of Wisdom...

from the great philosopher Samantha on Sex and the City:

"I love you, but I love me more."

Perfect.