Oh, The Blessings

As I sit here at the dining room table working away, I am reminded of the blessings in my life. Since the last update to my blog was so miserable (and kinda mean), I thought I would give you a feel for the blessings. You know, shake a little gold dust over top of the poop. Will it still smell like poop? Or will everyone love it because it is covered in gold? I don't know the answer to that, but I'm willing to give a little gold dust to you today.

I'm thankful for my life. Really, does this list even need to go on now? I mean, how many people just come in and say, "I'll take it all?" It never happens,, but it has happened to me. I'll take it all - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the totally-freaking-awesome. I'll take it. It does not even have to be wrapped in a pretty package with a bow on top. I don't require bows. I don't require pretty packages. I'm damn happy with getting the raw goods.

For those of you who prefer a list, here's a short one. It's only short because I am generic. Like a can of white with the black letters "Beer" across it. That generic.

1. Ella
2. Dave
3. Miles
4. Family
5. Friends I consider family
6. Things

There. That's it. And when I say Things, I don't really mean "things" like trinkets or knick-knacks or clutter that I have to dust. I mean I have the means to have things like take-out when I don't want to cook (which is ... hmm ... about every day) and when I need to get toilet paper at the good old Wal-Mart, I can. Those kinds of things. Everything else is just bullshit things and we keep that bullshit around to remind us of how hard we work for that money that we spend to buy that bullshit shit. Did that make sense? I have lived two lives in my adult life - one where I had the money for bullshit things and one where I didn't. You know what I learned? Bullshit things don't make you happy. True love does. And if someone wants to buy bullshit things and proclaim that his/her life is grand because of those bullshit things, then so be it. I love with my whole heart and I love fiercely. None of that is bullshit.

If you got through this bullshit post, just know that I don't mean everything is bullshit. I mean, toilet paper is awesome. Coffee creamer is awesome. Coffee is awesome. Friends and family are awesome. Being surrounded by people you love and love you in return...most awesome. (Notice I did not spell awesome wrong...not once!)

On My Mind...

Thankfully, I was blessed with a filter. Now, now, friends, I know sometimes I do not use my filter, but at least I have one. I do, however, have lots of things I want to say, and I have done a very good job of keeping my opinions to myself. I have been the recipient of unwelcome opinions of late, so I think it is only fair that I allow myself to puke out my opinions. Since very few people read my blog, I am posting it here instead of elsewhere. I may link to my blog today, so if you happen to read this from a link on Facebook and you do not believe you are someone who has pissed me off recently, then let it go. Do not, and I repeat, do not, allow anything I say to get to you. I am most likely not talking about anyone who would be reading this. I promise. I swear. I even pinky swear. That’s serious in the world I live in, you know. Pinky swears are, like, serious shit. Like elephant shit. That serious. I swear. I mean, I pinky swear.

I’m getting some things off my chest. Ignore me. Or listen. It’s your choice. Remember what I said, though. This is most likely not about you. Are we cool? Yes. Yes, we are very cool. I love removing my filter when I can.

You are pathetic and fake. You have nothing all that important to say, anyway.
I dislike the way you have treated people to get to where you are.

I am not the one to blame for your misery.

You need to get a grip.

If you want to be more judgmental, I can refer you to a special place for those people. I’m sure they would welcome you with open arms, as long as you give them my name as a reference.

You deserve better! Go! Run! Get out of there, fast!

You, you, and you…be nice! You really do need to get along better.

She does not deserve that title any more than I do. Thankyouverymuch.

Why can’t you answer a damn email?

Why did I pay you to do that when I could have gotten it better for free? I’m so stupid.

There. I feel better. You can go back to your normal programming now.

To the Moon, Alice!

Normally, fall strikes me with panic and angst. I'm proud to report that this fall has so far not kicked my booty to Mars and back. (I was only kicked to the county line and back.) I feel sane, happy, and blessed. About a year ago, I started living life one day at a time to savor the smells, sights, and feelings; to fill my heart with all things good. And who can argue about how good things are?



I'm blessed with an amazing daughter who will be 4 soon. Momma's girl is growing up! Right or wrong, she is still sleeping in her crib. She has been ready for her big-girl bed for quite a long time, but momma has not been. I went into her bedroom this morning to run the sweeper and all around, I saw the signs that my baby girl is not a baby anymore. Gone are the blocks and baby supplies. They have been replaced with Barbie, paints, and cooking toys. Gone are the onesies; they have been replaced with pretty dresses and rocker-girl shirts. Gone are the diapers; Ella has the best collection of cool little girl panties.



I'm blessed with an amazing boyfriend. At times I feel silly being 31 and having a boyfriend. It sounds juvenile sometimes. But no matter what label I use, he is still amazing. He reminds me that happiness is within, located right next to beauty. I read a book this week that was heartwrenching because one character found love...the kind of love that aches deep inside. The kind of love that lasts a lifetime. The kind of love like I have. And tragedy struck and she was in pain because of that love. It's the kind of love that is within you...rooted deeply not only in your heart, but in your head, bones, breath. The kind of love that makes you crazy in love.



I'm blessed with an amazing bonus son. Even as I am learning where my place in his life is, it's a blessing that I get to figure that out. I am proud of him and enjoy being with him. we get to hang out together through the day while Dave works, and we have a great time. He is an awesome kid who loves Ella as if she were his biological sister. I enjoy watching them interact, and he's a good sport about playing with her and being patient with her. I love watching her watch him. She looks up to him (literally and figuratively) and he is very aware that she does this.



I observe with a big smile on my face. I live life with a full heart. I enjoy each moment each day brings, and I think that is why I'm not going to get kicked by fall this year.

Communication is Key

Welcome to my first installment in the series "Divorce Doesn't Have to Be Hard." I'm not sure where this series will take me, if I'll ever post another installment, or if this will become a separate blog on its own. It is absolutely something I have been wanting to do for quite some time, and I want to start with a disclaimer that these are my thoughts only. My only "training" in this area came from the School of Life. So here goes.

Raising children is difficult.

It's difficult when the parents live in the same household, eat meals at the same time, and live life together. It exponentially gets more difficult when those parents separate and no longer have unlimited access to each other.

This is when our communication becomes more important than anything in relation to the child. BOTH parents must put aside their anger and focus on the child. BOTH parents must acknowledge that the other parent has ideas and plans and wants and needs and they must BOTH be free with expressing those and listening to the other parent. When ideas start getting kicked around, communication should immediately begin, especially if the idea is going to in some way impact the other parent.

For example, Eben and I have a very different "custody" arrangement than normal because it is based on his work schedule. Essentially, Ella is with him every day he is off. I have a calendar that contains my life (heaven forbid I ever lose it!) and I know at a glance if she is with me or him on any given day. However, since life is all about change, I have to be willing to adjust my life and schedule at times to accommodate Eben working overtime. As soon as he knows about overtime, he calls me or sends an email so that I am aware and can prepare for it.

There have also been times when I have had to leave town for a conference on days he is supposed to work. I immediately call him and give him the dates so we can adjust our schedules.

There will always be some give and take involved when you are raising children together but separately. BOTH parents must respect the other's time with the children and notify each other PRIOR to setting firm plans.

Another example: I wanted to sign Ella up for dance lessons. I looked at the schedule, checked my own schedule, and consulted with Eben BEFORE I ever sent in a registration. I gave him the day and time options that were available and we chose the day and time for the lessons together. He knew up front that he would be responsible for bringing her to dance lessons on the Saturday mornings she was with him. He gave me the okay to sign her up. We even took her together in the same car for her first class. I expect this communication to continue in this way when we make decisions regarding sports, activities, and even school functions in the future.

The bottom line is that you have to communicate with the other parent. If perhaps communication was one of the problems in your relationship, you may need to adjust the way in which you communicate. Both parents need to realize this and focus on making the best of a bad situation for the child's sake.

Funny Girl...

Bed Head

I was inspired to write this post while in the bathroom this morning...looking in the mirror at my crazy-perfect bed head. At 5 a.m.

Once a month, Dave and I have a week where the house is quiet, we have no schedule, and the dishwasher fills with coffee cups instead of plates and forks. {It's that silver lining thing again.} We miss our kids (aka children for those of you more formal than I) very much when they are not with us. We miss the high activity level in the house - we miss the noise of life with two kids. We miss playing dress up and cooking green pepper soup in Ella's bedroom; we miss hearing the (sometimes-annoying) buzzing of Miles's cell phone. It's just...quiet.

On the flip side, we enjoy our freedom. Our freedom from ensuring the kids are properly fed, bathed, brushed, and presentable. Our freedom from picking up their dirty clothes, empty cups, and random toys. Our freedom to socialize with friends in an adult setting.

Last night was one of those nights. We ate dinner out with friends to celebrate a birthday and then went to our favorite adult establishment down by the river. We sat on the patio, listened to the DJ, and drank our cold adult beverages in a responsible fashion. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

It was freeing. And glorious.

We had to leave earlier than we wanted, because even though we were free, we were not free from responsibility. Dave has started a job where he works all weekends, and those mornings begin at 4:30. We needed sleep.

The house is where we can be totally free. We reconnect here; we build memories here. We live here; we love here.

It was the perfect crisp, almost-fall night. All of the windows were closed except two in the bedroom (I wanted to let in a little cool air, but did not wish to make it polar ice cap in here). We climbed into bed and I snuggled up to my love. There is this spot on Dave's chest that is my spot to put my head. It is located just below his shoulder, and I fit there perfectly. My anatomy-geek friends (whom I love dearly) probably know the proper term for this piece of real estate on Dave's chest; however, I call it my spot. (And wouldn't that be weird if I called it my spot and that spot on every man's chest was called my spot? I would have to go around signing that spot on every man because it was named after me. I'd never get anything done.)

I curled up, kissed Dave good night, and fell into the most relaxing sleep. Ever.

It was a deep sleep, filled with nothing but sleeping. I had no dreams (that I can recall) and did not wake until the alarm(s) went off at 4:30. When I wiped the sleep from my eyes and walked into the bathroom, I noticed that my bed head this morning was perfect. My hair looked better at 5 a.m. than it did last night when we were out on the town. I woke up in a state of perfection, after having a perfect night's sleep.

{bliss}

Super Saturday

Siesta Key, FL. 8/17/10. {love}

RAWR!

It happened! It happened!

No, not that elusive, only-ever-talking-about-it, never-happening, hard-to-attain size 6.

No, not *that*, either.

No, I didn't win a Pulitzer.

No, I didn't prepare a 3-course meal for my family. (Does McD's count when you get a sandwich, fries, and a drink?)

No, no lottery winnings...

Okay...are you ready?

I became a momma bear, ready and willing to attack for the sake of my kids.

Wednesday, Miles was playing in his first 8th grade football game, and he took a cheap shot (late hit in the back) by another player (#20, I don't know your name, but I have your number!). I watched it happen, saw Miles get up, and I suddenly had the urge to run out to the field and tackle that #20 (did you hear me? I have your number!). Luckily, my rational, logical side kept me sitting still...sitting on that bleacher as if I had super glue stuck to my ass.

Then, last night Ella called to tell me goodnight (she's at Eben's for the weekend). In our conversation, we chit chatted for a few about radom things and she finally says, "Mommy, guess what happened?" I said, "Tell me baby. Tell mommy what happened." She then proceeds to tell me that she fell down on the wet floor at "Bob Heavens" (Bob Evans) and hurt her mouth. I asked how hurt is hurt. She told me it was all bloody. Instantly, my stomach rolled, mouth went dry, and those floor moppers at Bob Heavens should thank their ever-lovin' lucky stars that I was in Newark and not Zanesville or I would have beat them to death with their mop.

Granted, the rational, logical side of me says that she probably did not heed the "Warning: Wet Floor" sign (she is, after all, almost four and not truly able to read signage that warns of imminent danger). However, my baby was hurt, and someone was going to pay for it. That's the primal instinct of a momma bear.

YAY!

Slipping Away

Today, looking out the front window, I looked closely at the leaves already on the ground and the changing colors still in the trees. It won't be long until fall comes. Fall...oh fall. Fall makes me crazy. The leaves falling make me want to dig my nails into the last remaining days of summer and make them stay around a little longer.

Stay longer so I can enjoy the sunshine, enjoy the easy pace of no real schedules. Stay longer so I can enjoy my tank tops, bikini, and shorts. Stay longer so I can wear flip flops and forget about the 45+ pairs of high heels in the closet for a little bit.

Fall coming makes me pace in circles; makes me want to clean my house with the windows open one last time. Fall coming makes me want to stay awake later so I can enjoy the warm temps more and get more time on the deck.

For the next few weeks, if you need me, find me on the deck...soaking it all up and enjoying the last remants of summer. Of course, in my tank top, flip flops, and shorts. I'll be working on keeping my tan a little longer.

Hot Summer Nights

It's been awhile yet again. Sigh. I can't get blog followers if I don't give them something to read. Once again, I'm going to try to be a better blogger and write more. I have found that writing does something for me... calms me... allows me to express myself... puts my thoughts and feelings out for the world to see.

We just returned from an awesome vacation last night. We took the kids to Siesta Key for our first family vacation. Miles is ready to leave Zanesville behind; pack his iPod, cell phone, and swim trunks and take off forever. Ella wants to collect seashells by the seashore (or oceanside) for the rest of her life. Dave and I just want to escape this small town and the small minds that reside here.

Many things about vacation reminded me of how lucky I am...lucky to be on vacation at all, lucky to have family as awesome as mine, lucky to be in love with a wonderful man and his son, and lucky to see the world through the eyes of an almost-four-year-old (as she told everyone she met!).

My aunt gave me a picture of my grandparents while I was at her house. It's a picture I will forever treasure. A picture that shows them both with their heads back laughing. Even though the picture does not show their eyes, I can see the twinkle there. I can see my grandparents in a happy, joyful time, and I will forever have this picture to show to my own grandchildren when I tell them about my grandparents and how special they were to me. So precious.

Today, we have taken it easy. We have been depressed to not be on vacation anymore. I have spent time looking at houses for sale at the beach and thinking about what it will take for us to have a vacation place of our own. Anyone interested in purchasing a beach house with us? We'll share! lol

Thankful Thursday

My list for Thankful Thursday:

1. Warm, sunny days spent with friends and family.
2. Hamburgers prepared by the grill master Dave to celebrate warm, sunny days.
3. Ella's new love of entertaining everyone with music and dance. I love hearing her make up new songs and watch her do crazy dances on the coffee table.
4. ViSalus products that are assisting me in getting healthier (and skinnier!).
5. The Internet. I fear that I take this awesome invention for granted these days since I have access to it in every room in my house and on my cell phone.
6. Daffodils. Ella loves to pick them for all of her friends and for her mommy.

I'm out of here to enjoy the sunshine!

Grammar Goddess Speaks Again

Ew. I try really, really hard to not judge others for doing simple things they should have learned not to do in elementary school. I try very hard to be judgement-free in my daily life. I try really hard to live and let live.

Ew. I'm not proud of today's grammar lesson. I did decide to post here on this blog instead of on my facebook status so as not to offend my countless friends with what could appear as petty, self-righteous behavior.

Ew. I feel really icky right now. However, I must proceed.

Should've is a contraction for the words should HAVE, not should OF. When we speak and say should've, it does *sound* like should of, but that's not really what anyone is saying. When we hear should of, we are really hearing the contraction should've. All of this means that when we type something such as, "Renee should have called Mack to warn him of the impending doom," we should type should HAVE, not should OF.

There. I still feel icky, but I pat myself on the back for doing it here on this tiny blog that is not read by many rather than putting it out on facebook where my hoards of friends would feel as if I were making them feel stupid.

-GG

Sunday's Blessings

It's been awhile since I have had a clear enough head to write. And my nails were too long to type. Now that I have picked off all of my fingernails (thus clearing my head), I feel as though I can sit and type away about nothing.

Or something. Whichever you prefer.

I am loving the warmer temps, sunshine, and the daffodils that are poking up through the ground. Spring is almost here, which means summer will follow soon behind. My deck is calling my name...I'm looking forward to sitting out there and enjoying the fresh air, sunshine, and conversations with friends and family that always take place.

Ella is growing, smarter than ever, and excited to plant flowers. She is desperate for a fish; however, she informed me that she wants a tilapia so she can eat it later. I'm not so sure she understands that pets are not for eating. :)

Miles is desperate for us to purchase a hot tub. Apparently, that will up our status in his eyes and make us extremely cool. He already has plans for how the deck and backyard entertaining areas can be set up to maximize the fun.

Dave and I are enjoying life, learning how to live on a budget, and figuring out the whole cooking thing. It amazes me how we have integrated our lives, our children, and our collective futures in such a short amount of time. I am also amazed at how quickly our children have adapted to us and to each other. Just last night, Miles was excited about Ella watching him play football and being one of his cheerleaders this fall.

I am truly blessed.