{{{Waving}}}

Whoa. Haven't been around here for awhile. I have been busy riding around on this ferris wheel of life.

Turned 30. You know...have too many things to remember in my advanced age that I forgot about writing for a bit. A book I just finished this morning made me remember this blog existed. I have plants that are dying outside because I forget to water them and I have no excuse because I see them everyday. Heck, Ella asks for food on a regular basis and I still forget to feed her (just kidding, Mom).

So I bought some new shoes today. Well...they are actually boots. Black ones. And they are awesome. I can't wait for cooler weather so I can wear them.

This book I finished reading is called Firefly Lane (I don't know how to do fancy hyperlinks or anything...just go to Amazon and search for it). It's a very large book (are they called novels?) that I could not put down. Except to feed my daughter and shower. And clean the house. And go to work. And and and...you get the point. It took me a few weeks to read it, but I am proud of myself for doing it. When I realized one day that I was on page 200 and I remembered every part of the story, the characters, and their stories, I had one of those lightbulb moments. You know the ones that make you wake up and say, "I did it!" I am able to read now - rather, to focus on something longer than five minutes. I think I'm on the road to reading recovery. Woot!

In honor of now being able to read again, I picked up two new books at the bookstore today. I can't wait to jump in.

I'm going to focus on writing. It really helps. I can feel myself starting to relax a little bit. Maybe tonight I will sleep longer than a few hours? One can hope.

Change Changes Everything

Six months ago, I never would have dreamed of giving up on something that I had always wanted because I knew my own limitations.

Six months ago, I never would have dreamed that I would be learning and growing as much as I am now.

Six months ago, I never would have understood exactly what “the end of my rope” felt like.

Six months ago, I never would have emptied, reloaded, and reemptied the dishwasher in the course of two hours.

Six months ago, I never would have known my true strength.

Six months ago, I never would have admitted that comfort is not what should dictate choices in life.

Six months ago, I never would have imagined that a shopping spree was not a weekend ritual but something that needed to be saved for and planned out in advance. (Or that I would need to purchase pants two sizes smaller.)

Six months ago, I never would have felt tortured knowing that I had to go two-and-a-half days without getting kisses and love from my daughter, let alone seven.

Six months ago, I never would have imagined that the road to happiness was filled with as many pot holes and slow drivers as it is.

I realize now that I am stronger than I thought, I am more loved than I thought, and that I am right where I am supposed to be. The choices and decisions I have made have led me here, and while right now I have given up control of a few situations, I realize that I have done everything I was *supposed* to do, even if I didn’t realize it before. I have learned that letting go will not change the outcome, even if that outcome is not completely what I would have wanted or would have chosen. It is the outcome that is supposed to be.

Clarity. Peace. Serenity.

A Perfect Day with a Perfect Friend

This is my BFF, Tiffany aka Lindsey, on our lunch trip on Saturday. Aren't we hotttttt?

What you can't see in this picture are all of the laughs we shared, waiting in line forever at the bank, the scary drive to lunch with the old dude falling asleep at the wheel, Tiffany's hair sticking to the seat as if it were a balloon, bartering for chapstick, and the deep conversation we shared later during dinner. Tiffany always knows just what to say. We have a lot of fun analyzing situations and making determinations about people and events that have shaped our lives. She has a big heart and feels everything deep inside and shows her emotions.

We laughed so hard we coughed and choked (or chocked as she has been known to do...ha ha) while trying to make a decision on the phone of "scrub or leave." (In case any of you reading this have heard the quote, "My lungs are bleeding," you will be happy to know that "scrub or leave" will be used over and over again just as MLAB has been.) We also talked, albeit briefly, about the reason we became such good friends to begin with. We really only have to say one word and we both go back in time and think about it. That was a drama-filled point in both of our lives, but we came out ahead, intact, and with a best friend. What more could we have asked for?

I know what I am asking for...one more day like Saturday.

With a few timing modifications.

And more pickles on my cheeseburger.

Love you, girl!

Manic Monday's Grammar Lesson

Class, today we will cover a lot. I mean, literally, a lot. And alot. And also allot. Pay attention.

This is very important.

A lot means many or frequently. I have received a lot of presents in my life. She does that a lot.

Allot means to distribute or to give or assign as one's share. She was alloted her share of his millions. (Don't I wish!)

Alot is NOT a word. Ever. Erase it. Forever.

And ever.

Your assignment is to run to the nearest chalkboard and write, "I will not use alot ever again" 500 times.

I have a full cabinet of chalk. I will mail it to you if you can't find any.

--Grammar Goddess

Those Defining Moments

Is it possible to have a moment in your life (or in my case, an entire day) that was *the* defining moment and still wish it had never happened? What would my life be like if it had not happened? Would I be the same person? Would I be where I am today? Would I have learned the same things from other events/moments that I learned from that one?

If things happen for a reason, when do people get to find out what the reason is/was? Or is that something that we as human beings aren't ever permitted to be clued in on? Is that part of the secret to the universe?

I read a blog the other day that listed a "do-over" list. I got to thinking about what would be on mine. And, really, it is quite small.

• I would have continued to play softball instead of deciding it wasn't worth it. Or I would have whined and cried a lot more so my parents would have let me play baseball because I was even better at that sport.
• I would take back one sentence I spoke in May of 1997. Just one.
• I would have gone to Myrtle Beach with my friends after graduation instead of choosing to stay home and work.
• I would have ignored an email from August 2004. Totally ignored it. As if it got lost in cyberspace.
• I wish I would have learned to stand up for myself sooner in life. Maybe I wouldn't still be carrying anger around from ancient history.
• I never would have cut my hair off two years ago.
• I would have fought a little harder to keep a friendship. But I didn't know how to fight for it. I didn't even know I had to until it was too late. So I guess I wish I would have known that trouble was coming so I could be prepared. Or perhaps prevented it.

I doubt that any of these things would have changed anything in my life as it is now, but perhaps I could have avoided some of the bad stuff. Or at least some of the things that I obsess over.

Lead me not into temptation...

Oh no. I'm in trouble.

I have mentioned before my love affair with Sabon, the awesome store Tiger and I found in Chicago. I made a large purchase while I was there. I sent my friend to the store when he was there visiting in December to make another purchase for me.

I love their products.

I was sitting at work today minding my own business and my phone rang. It was the girl from Sabon. Temptress.

She was calling to tell me about a special offer. An offer only available to their very best customers. An offer that can't be found anywhere else.

Free shipping. On a $50 order. No sales tax on a phone order.

I went down the hall to get willpower. Will was not available. Tiger provided nothing. Tiger got online to make her list.

As soon as Tiger gives me her list, I'm going to make mine. Don't I deserve something new from my favorite store?

I have not purchased anything for myself in months. Perhaps this will be a "payment" for not having my nails put back on yet?

Time to shop!

Moving Day!

I have all of my belongings packed up...

In a small, empty Pampers box...

I'm moving to gmail.

I'm scared.

What if my friends don't receive my change of address card?

What if I miss important information because managing three email accounts, one facebook, one blog, and countless other logins/passwords/freaking crazy combinations of letters and numbers and security questions and retina recognition software is about to drive me insane?

I guess I will deal.

On the bright side, I did not break a sweat today. Whew. Easiest move I have ever made.