Go ahead and stop reading. I'll wait for you to quit feeling dizzy.
Like the organized domestic goddess I aspire to become (but come on...will most likely never actually win the title), I sat down tonight, cookbook on the counter, pantry doors open, and shopping list in front of me (with a pen in my hand) and PLANNED meals for the next two days.
Go ahead and wait for the faintness to pass. I can keep waiting. After all, I'm not actually sitting in front of *my* computer watching you read this. Don't you think *that* would be a little, teeny, tiny bit scary? As if I had nothing better to do. Like take out the trash, clean the cat box (anyone want a nice, well anyone want a cat?), feed the dog, stoke the fire, feed/bathe/clothe/play with my child, clean the toilet, clean the floor, drink water, etc.?
Did I mention before that I did not have a Bud Light in hand while planning meals? That I made it through the entire ordeal without cracking one open? And that my mom was here? Eye yi yi.
So after my mom explained to me that the pan I call my mac and cheese pan is technically called a saucepan and that, yes, in fact I did have the correct tools to make this one certain dish, I got the meals planned and my grocery list made. I am going to attempt Kroger on Tuesday. Yes, that's right. Kroger. Tuesday. During the day because my BFF told me that it would be easier to be there in the daytime before the workers got there for quick pickups after work. I am wondering if it wouldn't be easier to be there when the store is crowded so that someone will eventually call for help when I pass out in the aisle after contemplating between one kind of chicken broth or the other.
Why are there so many choices in the grocery store anyway? And what happens if I can't find the exact size of the product I need to make a certain dish on my list? Will I be required to do math in the middle of Kroger? Can I take an oxygen tank with me?
Did I mention that Ella will be going with me for this grocery shopping excursion? I am thinking of getting her a Dora backpack so we can spin in circles and sing, "We did it, we did it," when we are finished. If we finish.
On a completely random note - I got my hair done today. It is fabulous. Perhaps I will take the trusty camera with me tomorrow and have the nice checkout person take a picture of Ella and me when we finish our grocery task. This will accomplish two goals. The first is that I can document actually going to Kroger without assistance from a friend and purchase everything on my list. The second is that I can then come home, take a nap from the exhausting day, and then post a photo to prove that I did it with fabulous hair.
Some random illogical fears about the shopping trip:
- It will be pouring down rain and we will be soaked prior to entering Kroger. Then I will have bad hair and Ella will be wet and miserable.
- I will not be able to find things on my list and will have to ask for assistance or risk appearing to be racing in the Kroger 500 (NASCAR style...round and round and round and round...).
- All of the crap on my list will not fit in my cart.
- All of the crap on my list will not fit my budget.
- I will forget the single most important ingredient for tomorrow night's dinner and will have to adjust my meal plan and then go back to Kroger for the missing ingredient on Wednesday.
Okay...I'll stop there before I talk myself out of going to Kroger altogether and eating a diet of cottage cheese and pickles for the next few days. I did find a peanut butter dessert thingie in my pantry that looks scrumptious. Perhaps we would be okay on that for a few days? Please excuse me now. I must go take a hammer to Ella's play house thing that will NOT STOP PLAYING BLASTED MUSIC for no reason. See how I get? I never yell. I never type in all caps. I never am this stressed out. But thinking of the trip to Kroger and then actually doing something with the food when I get back is sending me over the edge. I think I need to make a xanax candy necklace to take with me.
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